When Attending Services
When Attending Services
Preparing for a funeral is never easy. It’s a challenging time for everyone involved, whether you're a family member, coworker, neighbor, or friend. The process can be overwhelming, requiring thoughtfulness and careful planning.
If you're attending a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, the following tips can help you navigate the experience. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out—we're here to support you in any way we can.
Preparing For A Funeral
The loss of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events. During the early days of mourning, emotions are high, and sleep may be elusive. Then comes the funeral, where you're often expected to attend services and engage with others despite your own grief. Here are a few tips to help you during this difficult time:
Stay Mindfully Present
In times of loss, it’s natural to want to disconnect from our feelings, but that can make things harder. Instead, practice mindfulness by staying present in the moment, acknowledging your emotions, thoughts, and physical reactions as you process the grief.
Look After Your Physical Healthy
Grief can manifest in physical ways, such as fatigue, body aches, appetite changes, and even shortness of breath. Pay attention to your physical health by staying hydrated, eating, getting rest, or staying active as needed. Take time to delegate tasks so you can focus on your emotional well-being.
Lean on Your Support Network
Don’t hesitate to accept support from friends, family, or neighbors. Many people will want to help, so let them walk beside you during this time. Also, don’t forget about professional support—whether it’s from clergy, a doctor, therapist, or grief counselor—if you feel overwhelmed.
Be Ready to Listen
Funeral services provide an opportunity for others to share their grief and memories. Focus on listening rather than speaking, unless you have something meaningful to share. This is a time for respectful engagement with others, focusing on the life of the deceased and the bonds that bring everyone together.
Basic Etiquette
Funerals are sensitive social situations, and understanding funeral etiquette can help ease you through the experience. If you’re unsure of the appropriate behavior, here are some guidelines to keep in mind:
What to Wear
While formal black attire is often expected, it's not the only choice. Avoid bright colors or bold patterns unless the family requests something specific. Dressing in subdued, respectful clothing is always appropriate.
What to Say
There’s no need to say much—just keep it brief and sincere. Family members are often preoccupied with the events, so a short expression of sympathy or a personal story can be enough. If you do share a story, be mindful of the situation and avoid taking up too much time.
What to Do
If you’re unsure of what to do during the service, follow the lead of the pastor or celebrant. If you're uncomfortable with certain parts, don’t draw attention to it; instead, remain respectful and participate as much as you feel able. Also, be sure to silence your phone before the service begins.
During the Services
What to Expect
Much like any other social event, a funeral service can present us with unique challenges. Here's a short list of things you can expect:
- We do our best to provide adequate parking facilities, but parking may be hard to find. Do your best to arrive 10-15 minutes early.
- Depending on the location, the ceremony may be officiated by a pastor, minister, celebrant, or funeral director.
- Your entrance to the funeral may be governed by protocol. Often, guests are asked to remain standing until the family has taken their seats. Sometimes ushers are provided to escort you. If you're unclear as to what's expected, just watch others for cues or ask the funeral attendant.
- Remember that the front seats are intended for immediate family members, so choose a seat near the middle; or if you didn't know the deceased well, sit near the back of the room
- You may receive a copy of the funeral order-of-service that details what will happen during the ceremony. It will tell you exactly which hymns will be sung and specifically name the prayers to be read. If you're given one, hang on to it.
- Depending on the type of service, you will have the opportunity to participate in various activities. You may be asked to stand to sing a hymn or kneel in prayer. Only participate to the degree you feel comfortable.
Will people cry?
Pivotal life moments, like funerals, are very emotionally-charged. That means you can certainly expect to find people crying at a funeral. It's always helpful to remember to bring a travel pack of tissues with you. However, the funeral home staff will also have access to tissues if you—or the person seated next to you—has a need to wipe their eyes.
Leaving a Funeral
The funeral officiant will make it clear when the funeral service is over. They will invite the the immediate family and close friends to leave the building first. Unlike at the end of a theater performance, people don't simply stand up and walk out. Instead, they wait for the rows in front of them to empty before stepping out into the aisle.
Guests and family may collect outside the location for some quiet conversation. If you are now ready to leave, do your best to say a sincere goodbye to the bereaved family and make a quiet, discreet exit.
If you instead choose to follow the hearse and casket to the cemetery or crematory, you'll be given clear directions by members of the funeral home staff.
After the Service
After departing a funeral service, you may consider making a note to yourself to contact the bereaved family in the next week or so. Offer them some time to talk about their loss, and if you're willing, make a few suggestions about chores and other errands you could do for them. Know that even if they decline your offer, they'll be delighted to know you're thinking of them enough to connect.